Like I needed another reason to hate the Boston Red Socks

http://www.beforebarack.com/2011/11/20/odd-children-free-for-raping-or-those-same-people-wouldve-never-let-that-happen-to-dogs/

The Secret Society of Married Ladies

I am absolutely sick a freaking tired of people asking me…”How’s it going?”  How’s married life a year in?”  etcetera  etcetera.  I’ve actually tried several different levels of responses to see if I can get a genuine response that means something to me…but alas No.  At this point I’m under the well tested and frankly, well-worn opinion that even the people who ask you don’t really care.  AND frankly, they already have an answer in their heads that they want to hear so it doesn’t matter what you say.  That is except women who have been married for more than 5-7 years.  They (God bless their souls) seem to actually be asking you the question with no expectation.  AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT!!!

The first group of inquisitors is - single woman, they are the group that gets on my nerves the most.  I’ve wondered why they simply do ask the question in its intended form.  Why they waste the effort in trying to make it sound neutral.

Single Women say, “How’s it going?”

Single Women mean, “Isn’t marriage great?  You look so much happier sense you got married. Aren’t you the happiest you’ve ever been in your whole entire life? Aren’t you floating on cloud nine every day? It’s great right?”

Seriously, how does one answer such a loaded question with any honestly at all?  Weirdly, I’ve found that I’m bound by some secret society of married ladies to perpetuate the fairytale.  Not sure when I got inducted in or even when I learned the rules I seem to have down pat, but I’m in – a blood oath sworn in member.  And apparently one of my primary duties is to collect more members.  So when one of the single women I know approaches me, smiling from ear to ear with a little sparkle in her eye... I answer “GREAT!  It’s just great!  I couldn’t be happier.” And I let her bask in the warmth and glow of my love.  I kind of hate them a little…but knowing that one day they too may get the “privilege” of doing this very same thing give me the tiniest bit if joy. 

The second group of inquisitors is – men, this group generally offends me.  For one as a group they have multiple motives so it would be tricky to answer their question honestly.  Luckily, I’m well verse in the Married Woman’s Code of Conduct and they don’t have a shot of me answering honestly anyway.   They too mask their intent behind what seems like an innocent question.

Men Say,” How’s married life treating you?”

Men mean, “Old boy holding it down, because I could tighten you up if you need me to?”
Men mean, “Aren’t you sorry you picked him over me?”
Men mean, “Is it really possible to be married and happy?”
Men mean, “Are you still available?”

So as you can see, not having the burden of having to even consider answering honestly is a bit of a relief when it comes to the men.  If I just answer, “GREAT!  It’s just great!  I couldn’t be happier.” I can pretend he didn’t just subtly hit on me.  I can pretend that he is not standing there gloating.  And to the few genuine gentlemen that are contemplating asking some lovely single woman to marry him….I’m doing my part for the society.  So this group (for the most part) though they are offensive (seriously I’d hope they’d have higher expectations of me) I don’t hate them even a little.  It’s still nice to know someone is checking for you every now and again.

Now on to my FAVORITE group and I’m not afraid to say that yes I’m crushing on them a little bit!! My married ladies - The woman who somehow secretly inducted me into their society, taught me the rules of engagement and turned me loose on the world – Oh how I love thee!!   So much so that I’ve written you this little poem:

Ode to My Married Ladies

I love thee for your candor and great advice.

I love thee for your hugs and words soothing and nice.

I love thee for your wisdom you so eagerly share.

Oh I love thee because you really do care!!

 There’s no hidden meaning behind your questions?  No artificial modulated expectations have been laden on your questions.  You’ve been where I am and know what could be going on.  You already know that for the most part marriage (especially in the first few years) is WORK.  That if you were a happy contented person prior to marriage and it’s a good chance that you still are.  That the fact that he gets on your nerves doesn’t mean you are throwing him back into the pool.  That yes right about the year mark, it settles in that this is the sex you will have for the rest of your life – good, bad or indifferent – for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.   That there is a timing, a groove so to speak to marriage that you may or may not be settling into yet and either way…it’s OK.  That if you stick to it, it will come.  That the socks that are in the middle of your bedroom floor today that make you want to pick them up and cram down his throat while he sleeps,  will one day fade into the background and be utterly unnoticed.  That today might be a bad day but over time the good days will out weight the bad 10 to 1….if you work at it.  That carving out your own space after a year of being stuck like glue can be a painful process for one or both of you but needed and worth the effort.  These are just a few of the things this secret society of married ladies has imparted to me about years 1-3 of marriage.  Simple because when…

Married Women say, “How’s it going?”

Married Women mean, “No seriously, how’s it going?”

Mother's Tired

Mother’s tired
It’s all because of you
These tears I rain
This hot bubbling I can’t keep inside
The reason I’m hot and cold
At the same time in the wrong places

You, you made me this way
With your
Sowing and reaping
You misuse and abuse

Your children, your father and your father’s father
With their
Dying and needing
Always wanting more and whining

But today TODAY I showed you

Mother showed you alright
Earthquakes and hurricanes
Flooding and drought
Fires burning on water

I’ve warned you again and again

Your fathers coming!!

8/31/11

Written as a result of watching the nightly news where they talked about Hurricane Irene, hurting the same people who were hurt by the earthquake.  Then Vermont because of the flooding and then to the middle of America for the drought and lastly the marsh fire in Louisiana

One Year Later - What I remember most!

Ok so a year later while evauluting the "value" assoicated with the wedding.  I thought what do I remember most? So much of the day is a blurr of rushing around, butterflies in your stomach, very excited people its really hard to remember it all.  So here's what made my top 20 list. 

1.       Having the hair and eyelashes that my mom wanted for her dream wedding.  If left up to me I would have gotten my hair cut that day into a short sassy style.  Instead I ended up with big wedding hair – that was nice but not me.

2.       Loving my dress that fit perfectly until my mother and sister got hold of it and kept pulling it up (to cover the girls) and the straps kept falling off my shoulders.  So I ended up looking like a damn orphan walking down the aisle.

3.       Loving my shoes!!

4.       Wishing DH’s family and BFF-C  were there for the photos before the wedding

5.       My DH reaction to me at “the reveal”

6.       Thinking his suit looks better than the tux we rented…what  complete waste of money

7.       My mom’s friend taking me through the McDonalds drive thru to get something to eat so I didn’t pass out. 

8.       My Goddaughter – Grace doing all she could to steal my shine!!  Seriously she was the hit of the wedding.   

9.       Thinking….. “Did we really invite all these people to our wedding?”

10.   Wishing one of the photographers were taking pictures of DH while I walked down the aisle – he was all teary and I would have loved a shot of that!!

11.   Divorce is not an option

12.   Stuck like glue

13.   Dion’s ring not fitting and pastors face when I told him… ”hold on I can’t get this thing on!”

14.   DH’s daughters face when we jumped the broom

15.   Rocky’s singing the Lord’s Prayer

16.   My husband pouting at the reception because his feet hurt in the rented shoes he had on

17.   My husband almost blowing a gasket because my mother invited a certain person to the “after dinner”

18.   One of my friends just NOT leaving…. Really the party’s over

19.   My red shoes…did I mention my red shoes!!

20.   My rings just a bllnging!

The Truth about Couple's Dinner Party's!!

I just read this post I don’t want your husband. No. Really! And it made me think of when I was single (oh the good ol’days...just joking – not really –OK this is a future blog post in the making).   ANYWAY, it made me think of all the times I found out my friends had dinner parties without me under the guise of it being  for couples.  Or it was for their married friends.  It never dawned on me that they were excluding me for their sakes.  I always just assumed it was for mine… not wanting me to be out of place.  Though that alone made me wonder, if something kinky happened at these couples parties.  I had visions of kissing breaks; make out parties and people putting their keys in a bowl ala 1970!!  Because then it made sense an odd/unattached woman would muck up the works.  What if God forbid it got down to the last man and he had to pick between you and his wife…..NOT a good scenario. Oh not good at all.  So I let it go, sometimes with hurt feelings but mostly thinking whatever… I didn’t want to go to your stupid dinner party anyway and next time you better save me a plate if you serve something good!!

So let’s jump to today.  Now I’m married (be a year in 15 days) and I’ve had a few dinner parties with other couples and I want to assure all my single friends that NOTHING all that exciting goes on. NOTHING!  You are missing NOTHING extraordinary.  There’s no freaky sex games.  No random makeout sessions, not even any random acts of inappropriate touching… NOTHING more than people getting together and eating.  Kind of… like girlz night only at this party you have someone else to pick up after….really not seeing that as a benefit. 

That said there are a few benefits I see to these couples party’s. One, you get to spend time with your mate. Two at parties with other couples you don’t have to be perfect or happy all the damn time.  You can actually roll your eyes at your husband and no one there thinks you are about to get divorced.  No on in the room even cares if you walk in in a full blown argument, because they were just lucky enough to finish their fight before they got out of the car.   You don’t wake up the next morning with calls from your girlfriends asking “how’s it going” because half the town is talking about how you and your husband are “doing bad” and don’t get along.   Lastly, there seems to be far more reciprocity amongst the married/coupled than single (well at least with my circle).  You invite a couple over for dinner you are going to get a reciprocal invite with the same quarter.  So if you invite 4 couples over you could in theory fill up your dance (well eating) card for quite some time. 

So to my single friends, I apologize in advance if you don’t get invited to something at my house and you hear about it later.  I still love ya’ll, honest.  But frankly, consider yourself lucky I’m sparing you the horror of listening to some couple bickering back and forth or worse one day being the odd man out in some random make-out session (I’ve decided to start these at my couple’s dinner parties).

See at the next Girlz Night!!

My new love affair with twitter!!

OK first let me say that I realize that like FB twitter is the land of make believe.  Where everyone is a star, is important and special.  NOT like the real world at all.  All that said.  I’ve fallen in love with twitter and tweeting.  Damn thing is addicting.  Where else can Mike Tyson make a comment and I get to consign it?  Where else can I evangelize to llcoolj?  Though he may be tired of me taking his “deep thoughts” and tracking them back to the biblical truth he is stealing it from….lol Today’s made me giggle a little because it was so obvious that I could not help myself to retweet with a little direction.  (so if you don’t twitter I added the bolded part to his comment and added to his and my timeline).  Seriously James Todd and E. Burke give credit where credit is due!!!

RT Proverbs 27:17 - God @llcoolj He that struggles with us strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper. E Burke

He’ll most likely block me at some point…lol.  Anyway in addition to having “contact” and I use that word in the most light, obscure and ambiguous terms possible.  It also gives me up to the minute information about my family and friends on twitter.  There are few things to note about this constant contact with those you love and twitter overall  

First, if your child is on twitter there is a good chance that you DO NOT want to follow them.  If you ever thought you did a good job raising your children…follow them. You will quickly find out that they are not that good, special or well behaved!!  You could take it personal and start believing you did an awful job parenting…. I on the other hand am choosing to read only the stuff that doesn’t anger, disappoint or worry me too much so I can keep deluding myself that I’ve done a good job!!  You choose the route that works best for you.

Second, there is a certain level of immediacy when you choose to use twitter as a communication tool.  Especially if you follow a lot of people - Your timeline is moving fast and it can be hard to keep up let alone reply, retweet and add colorful commentary.  Btw…the commentary MUST be colorful, enlightening, witty, silly, crazy…it must me something!!  Twitter is NOT for the boring or mundane and certainly not for the verbose!! This leads me to my third point.

Third, twitter has is on language!!  I implore you learn it quickly otherwise you will not know what the heck is going on!  Not only is twitter full of acronyms, all grammar rules are ignored.  It’s tough trying to get your point across in 140 characters or less!! Imagine using up one of those precious spots with an ‘ or ,.  Punctuation is not important, spelling is not important…it’s the IDEA, the INTENT, the JIST that is important on twitter!!  So welcome to the world where Twitter is a Second Language – soon there could be TSL classes given at community colleges all over the world!!

My last point for today is YOU TOO can be a star on twitter. YOU TOO can feel connected to the stars and celebrities of your choosing.  YOU TOO can stalk your teenagers, college aged and grown children.  If you are funny, smart, witty and have the time on your hands YOU TOO could gather a cult following of followers who will read, reply and retweet your comments around the world.  Just think someone in China, Indiana or Africa could be reading your pithy retort about this weekend’s Kardashian wedding right now!! 

Don’t wait become the star your mother always knew you would be…just don’t let her follow you!!

Mary E.M.

So apparently I’m at the age when you tip the scale and start going to more funerals than weddings.  I honestly thought I’d be older MUCH OLDER but alas I am not.  My friend’s parents are dying.  Our parents are ageing and it’s very inconvenient.  Yes I know I should be more PC and say something about how much they have loved us and took care of us yadda, yadda, yadda but frankly it is inconvenient.  I’m guessing as about as much as a hassle getting me in specialized schools was, taking me out of the hood to plays and museums was and most definitely as tiresome as taking care of my kid was.  Nonetheless…. I’m going to stand up for the sexy 40 something’s that are just getting their kids out of the house and trying to get and life and dare to utter those blasphemous words.   Quickly followed by, “Yes mother I’m on my way to your house now (AGAIN) to look at the same swatches I looked at last week because you are no longer capable of making any decisions by yourself!”  OK OK… it was just. Yes Ma I’m almost there…but you get my drift.

Anyway, this post isn’t about me cranking about something (which most will be) it’s about the life and Love of Mary E.M.  I attended my friend’s (AG) mom’s home going service this past Tuesday and it was just beautiful!!  I’m not sure if you’ve ever attended a funeral and left feeling inspired and actually touched by the person that was being celebrated but dang it that is the kind of funeral I want to have when I pass away.   I never met AG’s mom but left her service thinking I should live a life like hers.  Her parish priest described her as a woman who displayed Christ’s love to all that came into contact with her.   That she gave her love in earnest, simply and consistently that what she did was never grand or ostentatious but always true.  Be it kind, encouraging or challenging words or how her door and her table was always open to those in her community that needed it or maybe it was quiet commitment to her faith and her church.  It seemed that however you encountered her you could see the Jesus shining bright within her.  She was well remembered for her love, kindness and faithfulness. There was no talk of anything else…no awards, no huge job titles, no mention of her possessions or achievements not even her church committee offices and work.  Just the legacy of love she has left her family and those who were lucky enough to know her while she walked this earth. 

 Now I can’t imagine all that will be said about me when I pass but I have to wonder will it be that?!  Will it be that all that came in contact with me left me better or happier?  Could my pastor say that the love of Christ so shined within me that I could be made example of how to live a life worth living? 

Mary left her family two journals one full of stories of her youth and the other an account of her life.  The last page of her journal was the hope of how she wanted people to remember her and a message to her children.

I leave this post with What Mary left her children – What she left me (paraphrasing because I can’t remember it all)

·         Always try to look on the bright side

·         Life is hard but keep smiling anyway

·         You WILL get through it

I’m still unsure what will be said about me when I’m gone, I guess I’ll have to work on that! I am however,  honored to have attended her funeral and gotten a glimpse of who she was and so glad I have her daughter as a friend because the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

Facebook a tool for the Insane

I hate the way my DH uses FB as a tool to validate his insanity.  As if ANY comment he solicits on FB actually adds credibility to his crazy behind thinking. 

FB is the bastion of random, irrational, poorly thought out and through, kneejerk, off handed and off colored commentary.  The one place where all of your crazy, selfish impetuous and pitiful thoughts can be consigned rationalized and supported by at least one misguided, ill-advised and imprudent soul.  The mere fact that your comment got more than 2 comments suggests that it was either inflammatory or provocative because we all know that good shit on FB is ignored for the DRAMA.   We won’t get into the demographics of the commenters in particular how it’s made up of your groupies and 90% female when your friends list is only 60% female (this is another post). 

 “How do you bring somebody somewhere then just totally ignore them? This is some bull they owe me big”.  – Your post               

I only have this to say.  How do you sit in a room full of people and don’t interact unless someone speaks directly to you?  How to you sit under a canopy with 5 people with your back turned to them and NEVER turns around?  How is it that you can’t get that even on a Saturday at a work bbq…IT’S STILL WORK!? Why don’t you get that at work my main priority should not be to make sure you are having a good time every second of the day?  That I should be able to trust that you will turn on some of that considerable charm and be friendly and sociable….NOT play angry birds. 

So to answer your FB status question without blowing up your FB page… How do you bring somebody somewhere then just totally ignore them?  I’d say…. I brought my husband to a work function and expected him to hold his own so I could WORK.  That fact that he couldn’t or wouldn’t is some bull but don’t worry about it…you don’t owe me anything.

Lastly, one day I may actually comment on one of your statues directed at me…. I wonder how many comments and consigners it would get then….