The first group of inquisitors is - single woman, they are the group that gets on my nerves the most. I’ve wondered why they simply do ask the question in its intended form. Why they waste the effort in trying to make it sound neutral.
Single Women say, “How’s it
going?”
Single Women mean, “Isn’t marriage
great? You look so much happier sense
you got married. Aren’t you the happiest you’ve ever been in your whole entire
life? Aren’t you floating on cloud nine every day? It’s great right?”
Seriously, how does one answer
such a loaded question with any honestly at all? Weirdly, I’ve found that I’m bound by some secret
society of married ladies to perpetuate the fairytale. Not sure when I got inducted in or even when
I learned the rules I seem to have down pat, but I’m in – a blood oath sworn in
member. And apparently one of my primary
duties is to collect more members. So
when one of the single women I know approaches me, smiling from ear to ear with
a little sparkle in her eye... I answer “GREAT!
It’s just great! I couldn’t be
happier.” And I let her bask in the warmth and glow of my love. I kind of hate them a little…but knowing that
one day they too may get the “privilege” of doing this very same thing give me
the tiniest bit if joy.
The second group of inquisitors
is – men, this group generally offends me.
For one as a group they have multiple motives so it would be tricky to
answer their question honestly. Luckily,
I’m well verse in the Married Woman’s Code of Conduct and they don’t have a
shot of me answering honestly anyway. They too mask their intent behind what seems
like an innocent question.
Men Say,” How’s married life treating you?”
Men mean, “Old boy holding it down, because I could tighten you up if you need me to?”
Men mean, “Aren’t you sorry you picked him over me?”
Men mean, “Is it really possible to be married and happy?”
Men mean, “Are you still available?”
Men mean, “Old boy holding it down, because I could tighten you up if you need me to?”
Men mean, “Aren’t you sorry you picked him over me?”
Men mean, “Is it really possible to be married and happy?”
Men mean, “Are you still available?”
So as you can see, not having the
burden of having to even consider answering honestly is a bit of a relief when
it comes to the men. If I just answer, “GREAT! It’s just great! I couldn’t be happier.” I can pretend he didn’t
just subtly hit on me. I can pretend
that he is not standing there gloating.
And to the few genuine gentlemen that are contemplating asking some
lovely single woman to marry him….I’m doing my part for the society. So this group (for the most part) though they
are offensive (seriously I’d hope they’d have higher expectations of me) I don’t
hate them even a little. It’s still nice
to know someone is checking for you every now and again.
Now on to my FAVORITE group and I’m
not afraid to say that yes I’m crushing on them a little bit!! My married ladies
- The woman who somehow secretly inducted me into their society, taught me the
rules of engagement and turned me loose on the world – Oh how I love
thee!! So much so that I’ve written you
this little poem:
Ode to My Married Ladies
I
love thee for your candor and great advice.
I
love thee for your hugs and words soothing and nice.
I
love thee for your wisdom you so eagerly share.
Oh
I love thee because you really do care!!
There’s no hidden meaning behind
your questions? No artificial modulated expectations
have been laden on your questions. You’ve
been where I am and know what could be going on. You already know that for the most part
marriage (especially in the first few years) is WORK. That if you were a happy contented person
prior to marriage and it’s a good chance that you still are. That the fact that he gets on your nerves doesn’t
mean you are throwing him back into the pool.
That yes right about the year mark, it settles in that this is the sex
you will have for the rest of your life – good, bad or indifferent – for the
REST OF YOUR LIFE. That there is a
timing, a groove so to speak to marriage that you may or may not be settling
into yet and either way…it’s OK. That if
you stick to it, it will come. That the
socks that are in the middle of your bedroom floor today that make you want to
pick them up and cram down his throat while he sleeps, will one day fade into the background and be
utterly unnoticed. That today might be a
bad day but over time the good days will out weight the bad 10 to 1….if you
work at it. That carving out your own
space after a year of being stuck like glue can be a painful process for one or
both of you but needed and worth the effort.
These are just a few of the things this secret society of married ladies
has imparted to me about years 1-3 of marriage.
Simple because when…
Married Women say, “How’s it
going?”
Married Women mean, “No seriously,
how’s it going?”
