Tall Slut No Panties

Some of you already now, I watch TV to be entertained…laugh even.  I do not watch reality TV with all its angst and drama because I have enough of that in my own damn life and don’t need to watch other people react poorly, behave barbarically and/or be continually victims or victimizers.  When I watch the idiot box I want to see one of three things, something to make me laugh, something to make me think or sports.  That’s it!  Heck lately the news doesn’t even fall into the something to make me think category and I’m having a hard time watching that…ugh.

Anyway this is NOT about TV and the perils within, however one of my new favorite shows Don’t trust the B---- in apt 23.  Got me to thinking out loud in front of my husband (huge mistake) and the subsequent dialogue is blog worthy.

So let me set this up… the season finale of Don’t trust… was about Chloe actually acknowledging that she was friends with her roommate June.  In the process of this mayhem it is revealed that there is a Japanese anime book being published about Chloe’s life called “Shitagi Nashi”; which loosely translated means Tall Slut No Panties.    Apparently there is a guy quietly staking Chloe and chronicling her life in this comic book and let’s just say that Chloe is a free spirit. 

OK so I’m watching the show and laughing at how incurably narcissistic Chloe is and I say out loud to no one in particular.  “Damn I use to be Tall Slut No Panties, what the hell happened to me?”

Doesn’t the husband say… “Yeah what happened to you?” 

Seriously, WTF just happened?  Did he really just answer a rhetorical question that was not even aimed at him?  Did he really have the nerve to chime in with agreement?  So I give him a chance to “fix” the situation by saying “Huh? What did you say?”

and….. Wait for it…..  

Doesn’t he start listing the slutty shit I USED to do!!!  I know all the women are right now laughing your asses off thinking “Oh Lord” (in your Bernie Mac voice) because you already know his ass is in trouble with a capital T!!

So here’s where I bring this full circle back to reality TV and why I don’t watch it… IF I was a reality TV watcher I would be subliminally influenced to tear his ass up… and I mean tear him up!!  Go for the jugular, start talking about all the shit he used to do or better yet all the shit I thought he would do but it turns he has no clue how, when or why he should do any of it.  It’s kind of like the slow draining tub issue I have going on right now.  Are you really taking a shower in 3 inches of water every day and you can’t think to take the damn plunger and fix the damn thing or better yet when I put the plunger in the tub you can’t even think through….. OH, maybe I should try and unclog the drain…OR move the plunger!!    And this is just the TIP of the iceberg, Oh I got stuff I could say….and how!!
However, since I watch sitcoms, I’ve been subliminally conditioned to stay away from hateful banter because frankly it’s just not that funny and go straight for the punch line.  So to his list of things I USE to do I say…

Oh well seems you married Tall Slut No Panties and managed to turn her into Fat Wife Granny Panties….sucks to be you, huh sparky?

Ass….